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Piano Poetry

Dear Readers,

I am a piano player by nature and recently am taken with the idea of writing poetry as if playing piano. In my case that means thematic improvisation where most of the playing is exploration of the theme and every so often an interesting passage arises and I riff till it passes. This all came about from an intense conversation after which I could hardly keep up with the thoughts and wrote and wrote. In retrospect it seemed quite like how I often played piano to process emotion. With poetry, however, there is need to formulate thought which is helpful. Though I think I prefer the more physical nature of piano, both together seems a matching pair. This only makes sense considering most music being melody and lyric. The long poems that I have posted recently are written in this style. In bold are the more poignant passages and the titles have a “No.x” as if they are a classical composition. Some day I would like to post some piano pieces, too. Until then.

Best,
Redbear

Cherry Cheese LOVe

It is Saturday and it is late and we are tired and we sip and we sit on the couch under blankets and we are warm. We were going to watch a movie but neither of us could bring ourselves to find something. So we find ourselves looking at at painting on the wall that she found some time ago. Maybe it was from the thrift store. It is a bowl of cherries. I tell her some stories I know about cherries. She tells me some stories about cherries. Then for a while we are quiet quiet quiet. I listen to her breath. I listen to her breathe. I listen to her heart. I listen to it beat. I feel her warmth seep into I me as my warmth seeps into her. We are at such ease that I shake my head and sigh a bit and droplets wander down my cheek. She says do you weep. I say yes. She says good. She says I am glad you feel so safe with me. I say thank you. Then we are quiet for a good but longer until I begin to think she has fallen asleep. Then she says that was a good show and now Id like to go to sleep. I say shall I carry you. She says yes. She says I want a slice if cheese. Inam about to say that it really probably isn’t the greatest to eat right before bed and then I don’t. I go get a slice of cheese. I carry her small body off to bed in my spindly little arms. So we sleep. So we dream. So for just a moment in this absurd and ridiculous world there is a piece of peace.

The Oak Breaks

After the forest fire
Flowers Come.
The reed bends and
the oak breaks.
A flowing curiosity
Life grows in the river valley
the mountain top is cold and lonely.
Relax
nothing need to be figured out
it is all done already.
Nothing is special though
it is all unique.
No destination, no perfection
only journey and broken beauty
Nothing to get right.

I don’t believe in right and wrong
and yet I really really want there to be a right and wrong.

Elongated

Hey hey hey hey now
                           I know you
I see you like to be so hard on yourself
with such magnificent expectations, such elongated standards
It is
       commendable, esteemable, admirable, laudable, and
You know
  you don't have to
I know you want to hate yourself for your fallacies
And
   you know
You don't have to
Hate yourself
YOu can though, you can, you really are talented at that
Hey hey i know, sky. I know, Sky, sky I know. 
It is okay. I know you want these things
THis life is so inconvenient. I know. We forgive you. 
Forgive the life
How do we let this boy live.
Not feeling threatened all the time.



Here

Will we ever be done
Will it ever let go
I want to so badly explore in peace
Scared, we
are so scared.
All the time
As if everything has already happened
And it has.
Scared
scared scared to say we are scared
Scared to not say
TO much too little too many too few too old too thin too hard
too soft too long too short too thoughtful too boring too smart too carefree
too this too that too silly too serious too bla bla bla
too patient too quick too rash too tight too loose too much too little too
too loud too quiet too sweet too bitter too hot too cold

Poem string NO. 56

How this puzzle piece wishes to
grab the bull by its nose ring and
swing and throw him away till
it twinkled in sky like team rocket.

Nothing to save, nothing to lose
Nothing to win, nothing to lose.

Yes in fact this clothed poet does enjoy
being different and strange
It brings satisfaction to be weird and use derelict words coifed in cobwebs.
Life does make me excited and I do feel a deep yearning to be saved and be a certain way. It is tiresome sometimes. To be looking for the final escape. The final mountain top to rule them all. I can not help but run on this treadmill of discovery. I revel in the emotion though it aches this broken body. Because the emotions are so mixed with fears and guilts. Seldom is it one thing at a time. Many emotions together. Excitement to escape and guilt that I need escape. Guilt of the pleasure and yearning for the pleasure. Guilt of in satisfaction and guilt. Feeling so false. Untrue. So old is this emotion. Seems older than time for me. So ready to let it go. Be what I think is best. To do what I think is best. Let go of this guilt of having so much when others have nothing. yet do I really have so much in despair? Yes I have affluence, but is it really anything. I am assuming that other people want such things. That they need such things. Is my hour hot shower every day making me a bad person. I am sick and ill and it helps for that. Can you really blame me for wanting to do things that make my body more healthy? I do because it relieves the chronic tensions in this body that lead disfunction. I don’t do it just for kicks. Yes it feels good. Yes I could live without it. I could also live without all the pills I take. Should I also feel guilty for having access to medications when others do not. You could argue that so many comforts is actually not so good. That others could be thankful not to be so attached to healthy living. That my healthy living isn’t the only way. Could be seen as arrogant to assume that others want what I have. Sure some do, and also some do not. Just like anything else. I just want to get away from this pervasive guilt and be strong and lively again. I am done with this guilt that tires me out. It also has me be nice to people. I want to be nice for the sake of kindness, not because I feel guilty about myself… I get caught up in whether I do things out of habit or because they really could be good. Why does it matter? I am hungry. I am not Superman. We forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you. I just want to do things I love without the ever present aches and pains. Yes they annoy me greatly. life is so horribly inconvenient. Yup there are lots of guilty feelings and selfish feelings. They feel so much a part of this being. What am I without them. I am sky the wondering wanderer. Writer of poetry, meditator, satisfaction with a thread.

So scared of these unraveled thoughts. When fear ends what determines the choices. One day we just have to choose and that is it. That is all there is. Then just get along as we can with whatever that means.

Yes I do like nice things. I like kilts. I like dresses. The ladies look so good in them and maybe me too. I like women. They are so lovely. I like how some smell so nice even without the perfumes. I like earrings and necklaces. like nice trays for carrying food. I like sweets. I like movies. I like cartoons. I like video games. I do like long hot showers. I do like fantasies and fairy tales and magic and secrets. In fact I do like hard physical work even though I can’t anymore. I like how people smell after a day of farmwork. I like chilling. I do like manga. I do like anime. I do I do I do. I like poetry. I like art. I do like friendly people and friendly dragons. I like flowers. I like how they look and how pretty they are. How they smell. I am in fact something of a pansy. Always wanted to be big and strong but that ain’t me. I like plants. I love baklava and tiramisu. I like knitting and sewing machines. I like simplistic things. I like Japanese art. I like scientific research papers, I like all those fancy words; the content is nice too. I like how it is just the facts with no convincing. And silly humour iss the best.

If you must to punish for what I am and have become—go ahead.
I am done with that employment.

I’ll probably like too, you.

I would like to like what I like. Feel when I feel. Let go this squeezing away the self in a box whose corners are
So tight.
Open instead into a space for breathe.

One more dandelion each day
Until suddenly
You could not count them all.

So beautiful is the dandelion
An expression of form and function
In symmetric unity
An elegant simplicity of
Vigour and charm.
A plant that needs no encouragement

Going to be be.
Explore this wonder of creation
We forgive you sky sky
We forgive the world sky sky
I like making people feel safe
And it also makes me crazy.
See

I want to be a man of Spirit
I am a man of Spirit
I want to be an artist
I am an Artist

We forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky s

Things take time
they really take time.
The dandelion blooms once a year
and that is enough.

I want everything to be just right
I want to let go of my idea of how things aught to be to be good. It is is aching me to be so hard on myself and set such expectation. I feel like my very self is being struck when things don’t go the way I think they should.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

No sweeps clear a space for breathe
Yes fills till no room for even the Jade.

Yes I do like many things that you do not
No I do not like these things that you do.

No I do not need these things for satisfaction and soul.
This being is not over there in the books and clothing and people and ideas.
That is the ego, the id.
Those things are rich and beautiful and fun to explore.
Remember also the being.

Much of life is wandering around tired, sick, and lost in the bush and not on a mountain top.
Living only for mountaintops is so
hard a way to be.
Asking to be always fascinating and interesting: a hard way to be.
Asking to be always accomplishing
hard a way to be.
Asking to meet others at only the arete:
hard a way to go.
Vertexes. They should be like cookies
as a treat. Can hardly live on treats.

He yearned so much for mountain tops and in the end there was only pebbles.

Pebbles are fine
fitting in the pocket.
Threads are fine
fitting around the finger.
Air is finest of all
air suffuses the very being.

Life doesn’t make sense to me if I am not accomplishing things. Hard a way to be.

I would like life to be okay without needing accomplishments.

I am so done with this intensity. It is not a living intensity. It is a trying to get somewhere intensity when there is no where to get to, nowhere to go. Nothing to prove.

Simple living and yet complicated
Demanding and yet giving
Calm and not relaxed And intense

Such passion holding on to things really burns you. You give yourself away to those things. Such a draining relationship with success.

Dear Sky,
We want to let things be for a while.
Try it out. Let things go. We have really learned how to hold on. Now to try something different. Let us trust in the Spirit. Trust in our light. Be like the Jade. Like the thread and pebble. Another path. In less is more. Less, so much less. Simplify, simplify. Yes it is hard.

So afraid that I won’t be able to get there. Where. There. Who knows. Life is just the journey. Can only do so much at once. Things take time, take time.

We forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive

Let go for the sake of yourself and others. Forgive yourself for the sake of yourself and others.
We are not Superman. We are not Superman we are not Superman.
No we are not Superman. Not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman.

We are not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman e
We are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman I am not Superman we are not Superman I am not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman I am not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman I am not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman we are not Superman and I am not Superman and we are not Superman and I am not Superman and we are not Superman and we are not Superman and I am not Superman and we are not Superman and we are not Superman and I are not Superman and we are not Superman.

Despair like budding leafs
Over an attachment to should be.
Guilt that it could not be
That I should be Superman.
Responsible to make it all well
I am not Superman
We are not Superman.
When nothing to do but let be
When with habit to do.
It aches
Let it be.
We forgive
The world forgives
All is forgiven.

How I hate this
I hate it
I want to be healthy and free
In mind and body and soul
This body just likes to dissolve.

How does this happen
Broken record feelings in
Mind and body.
It aches to get in
It aches to get out.
I did the best I could
With what I knew.
Could not have known
Could not have known.
Can now only let it go
And that aches.
We forgive you
The world forgives.

Gonna irritate and shake
That’s what I do
That’s where I am
We forgive
The world forgives you.

We forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky the work forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky we forgive you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky the world forgives you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky

Insecurity leads to great needs.
Needs are normal, wants are normal.
They can also be very heavy.

And spiders,
do they spin webs
about their place
in the world
in time.

Or is it
humans only
with storied turmoil
of places
and time.

Is the spider insecure,
the tree, and the moon.
Or is it humans only
spinning wheels of
mythic turmoil.

Sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you. We love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you we love you.

So Here Now

So here now this is it

What what did you want

Well have you not read all the stories

They are so

very

romantic

So lovely

I wanted to be so lovely like that

So intensely that I am broken.

Yes yes yes I know. I see you you sky.
I know sky sky. I Know I know sky. You don't have to

Don't have to kill yourself for the ideas, the stories that are told

You really don't have to do it like that. It is

 

Okay

ay

ay

ay

Okay. It does not have to be full steam all or nothing.

That is not sustainable.

You really really don't have okay

Really really don't have to be superman

I tis a beautiful, laudable, admirable, scintillating

aspiration.

Can be added to

the list of things that don't need to be done

that list is light years long.

light year

Why is it so hard to let out this golden crown that wants the

whole world in its pocket.