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Piano Poetry

Dear Readers,

I am a piano player by nature and recently am taken with the idea of writing poetry as if playing piano. In my case that means thematic improvisation where most of the playing is exploration of the theme and every so often an interesting passage arises and I riff till it passes. This all came about from an intense conversation after which I could hardly keep up with the thoughts and wrote and wrote. In retrospect it seemed quite like how I often played piano to process emotion. With poetry, however, there is need to formulate thought which is helpful. Though I think I prefer the more physical nature of piano, both together seems a matching pair. This only makes sense considering most music being melody and lyric. The long poems that I have posted recently are written in this style. In bold are the more poignant passages and the titles have a “No.x” as if they are a classical composition. Some day I would like to post some piano pieces, too. Until then.

Best,
Redbear

Afraid

I think I am
afraid to live
afraid to make mistakes and
afraid of hurting
afraid to live with the constant making of mistakes
and inability to meet the goal of
all my little
games
so afraid to do anything
that might go bad in the end
so that I end up
unable to do much at all
so constantly caught up with
being afraid
or condemning my mistakes
there is nothing left to actually do
much in the end
so much energy burned
so much body is burned out
fearing the constant mistakes
that come in living a life
fearing the acceptance of myself
that is something that
makes mistakes every day and will continue to
so here I am, inebriated by the fear and condemnation of
what?
Looking bad and having bad things happen
bad things, bad moments, bad days, bad times
yes
okay, so that is what happens
that is part of the life
that is what is there okay.
So afraid to do because I know in
doing it will come out not quite right
it will be not quite sufficient, but you know
I heard recently that things worth doing
are worth doing poorly
poorly
I think things are worth doing
even if I don’t do them perfectly
otherwise nothing is possible if it
has to be so specifically
peculiar in a certain
way.
8 hours of washing dishes makes you
tired
but
8 hours of anxious fear exhausts
That is
the mind
is takes more energy in its rambles than a day of work
in the body
far far far more
you can go far without
so much anxious fearing fearing
fearing
this mind fears and is unable to let go
the mistakes
made.
Even even even
now this this
is not good enough
this is not quite
righ
trigh
hrigt
ghtri
ightr
right where is right
it isn’t quite what is wanted
so let us hold onto it till it can be made better
no, please
no.
I think it the holing onto so many little
things so many little
things that don’t look quite right
and in the end cause such frustration
that it
all wants to come flying out
to make it much
how it wasn’t wanted in the
first
first
first place.
So to let pass those mistakes makes more
space for the future.
The present.