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Piano Poetry

Dear Readers,

I am a piano player by nature and recently am taken with the idea of writing poetry as if playing piano. In my case that means thematic improvisation where most of the playing is exploration of the theme and every so often an interesting passage arises and I riff till it passes. This all came about from an intense conversation after which I could hardly keep up with the thoughts and wrote and wrote. In retrospect it seemed quite like how I often played piano to process emotion. With poetry, however, there is need to formulate thought which is helpful. Though I think I prefer the more physical nature of piano, both together seems a matching pair. This only makes sense considering most music being melody and lyric. The long poems that I have posted recently are written in this style. In bold are the more poignant passages and the titles have a “No.x” as if they are a classical composition. Some day I would like to post some piano pieces, too. Until then.

Best,
Redbear

Universe No. 4

The universe is telling me that
I need a break
I can think of myself
I can let go
I don’t have to do everything.
I have done enough, more than enough
Loving myself is better than not
Doing for myself is
Better than doing always for others
In the end it is better to let go

Do myself a favour and remember
Myself
In all these long days.

Yes in fact
There are desires within me
I do want things
I do not think things are all okay
I do find life quite challenging and hard
I tried really hard and a long time to
Make up for this and it never went anywhere.
Only crazy people do the house thing over and over believing it will be different each time.
I want to stop trying to make up and suppress reality.
I am going to do what I believe is right
I do in fact like nice things
And sweet things
And being me.
I am not the universe

If you need to punish me for being me—
go ahead.
I tire of such malefic employment.

If you need to punish me for what I am not—go ahead.
I am tired of such tasks.

.

Yes there are things I do not like
I will not die trying to make them okay
It is far bigger than me.
Life is far bigger than me.

Selfish desiring bad lacking failure

Let us stop trying to be big men
It is breaking us.
Let us be the little boys and girls
That we are.
.

I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to be me for a time. I am going to be me for a time. I am going to be me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time. I am going to do me for a time.

I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God.
I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God. I am not God

allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I
allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I allow myself to make mistakes. I
.

I need to prove nothing. There is nothing to prove. There is nothing to prove. There is nothing to prove. There is nothing to prove. There is nothing to prove. There is nothing to prove. There is nothing to prove. Nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing to prove nothing only wonder.
.

Wonder is the most beautiful word. It upsets all fear. It needs no strength.
Be not afraid where it leads. There is no where to go. Nothing to know.

Sitting weeping on the driveway stones
A sweet rascal boy: red hair, freckled
He wants so hard to be Man
It breaks him; he weeps.

Here was a wondering boy,
Wandering in the wonder;

One day he stopped wondering and began needing:
A needing to know boy,
A needing to be boy,
A needing to do boy, and
It broke him.

Forgetting the boy can
be only amongst Creation,
he tried to fit the world
inside his pocket.
It broke the seams
of containment;
He can not be so much.
Can be only his important
piece of the puzzle.

Frog voices swirl
Chickens busy
Airplane revving
Bug net tinkling
All saying
You be you, you be you, you be you.

Life happens more slowly
Than a mountain
Yet here I go racing with light.

Just wonder just wonder just wonder
Nothing needs done nothing needs done
Just wonder just wonder just wonder
Nothing needs done nothing needs done
Just wonder just wonder just wonder

I am not Superman. I am not Superman. I am not Superman. I am not Superman. I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman. I am not Superman. I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman I am not Superman. I am not Superman. I am not Superman I am not Superman. I am not Superman I am not Superman. I am not Superman I am not Superman. I am not Superman I am not Superman. I am not Superman I am not Superman. I am nothing.

The problem with the human is
We go through life as if we have already
A hundred times and know already
Everything and punish ourselves for
Breaking and messing up.

Be sure to displease every so often
Remind yourself that
You are not Superman.
Be sure to break open every so often
Remind yourself that
You are not Superman.

Broke a saw: built a fort
Broke a hammer: built a table
Broke a dream: learned despair
Broke a shirt: learned to sew
Broke a trowel: learned to garden
Broke a car: learned trauma

Broke pleasantness:
Learned to live
Broke a body:
learned pleasure of walking
Broke a mind:
learned lightness of a thread

Be with Wonder
Return to Wonder
Be with Spirit
Return to Spirit
Be with Creation
Return to Creation

Niggling fiddling needles of
Distrust and dragon’s breath:
Will not let alone these days

Dreams are meant not for completion
Rather for to inspire wonder

The world
The whole world
Calls out to me for attention
I can not
This body says, no, not possible.

Will they never end
These pulses of aching and
Dragon needles.
Will they ever let me go on
With who I wish to be
What I wish to explore.

Will ever it end this feeling
a need to be saved.
That doing things just so will cue
happily ever after.
Will ever this bull of looking bad and rejection and failure exit the ring.
Getting attached so quickly to successe

We forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive forgive you sky sky sky we we we forgive you sky Sky we forgive you sky Sky we forgive you sky Sky we forgive you sky Sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive forgive you sky sky we forgive you.

Compete

Failure, failure, failure
Everywhere this miserable message

Because once long ago a kayak race was lost
Came second place.
Was going strong and sure to win
Looked sideways and found
A faster paddler, could not be beat.
I took it like the sky had fallen
I was golden
I was the top dog
And now there is something
That can not be bested
I can not
And I could never admit it
That I can not be everything

Next a tournament was lost
Came second place.
Was so good on Rings, Pommel Horse, Floor, and
failed on the P-bars, Vault, High-bar.

Now always a failure and always
Making up.
Now never can there be satisfaction;
Is there no way out.
How powerful these memories
How powerful these choices made over time.

Hide Nothing: Sex no. 9

Yeah yea sex. Gonna freak out about it all day long. Could be good could be bad. Could just make things way to compkicated. I am always wanting complicated. Complicated is better. No it is not. Sex sex. It is one of my biggest freak out triggers. Frwak out freak out. Omg omg omg omg omg k g omg omg k g o g. Can we please just chill. We don’t need to have sex. Gonna freak out yup, that’s what I do.

This world is just too big and scary for this soft weak heart. Especially sex. That and stds really scary. And this stupid mind just loves coming up with more scary things.

I don’t even want to go there. No. Baby steps. maybe another time another place. It does sound lovely. Let me dream about it. That is more than enough. Dont yave to do it. Dreams are nice. Let it be a fantasy. I do want it bad. Could feel so good. We could feed 3wch other cookies and have freaky doggy style. Why not dream. Explore in the safety of the mind. Nope not interested in real life. Way too complicated. Got more than enough going on. Let sex live in the mind. A fury of mind sex. How beautiful and fun. Spanking and moaning and crying in divine ectasy. a spiritual sex. one day I might have the courage but right now, nope. I’m a bit of grass.

Yup, sex is pretty cool and it also freaks me out and I’m a wimp. A little bit of grass growing in this big world.

Stuck

Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no.