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Piano Poetry

Dear Readers,

I am a piano player by nature and recently am taken with the idea of writing poetry as if playing piano. In my case that means thematic improvisation where most of the playing is exploration of the theme and every so often an interesting passage arises and I riff till it passes. This all came about from an intense conversation after which I could hardly keep up with the thoughts and wrote and wrote. In retrospect it seemed quite like how I often played piano to process emotion. With poetry, however, there is need to formulate thought which is helpful. Though I think I prefer the more physical nature of piano, both together seems a matching pair. This only makes sense considering most music being melody and lyric. The long poems that I have posted recently are written in this style. In bold are the more poignant passages and the titles have a “No.x” as if they are a classical composition. Some day I would like to post some piano pieces, too. Until then.

Best,
Redbear

For Me

Why is it so hard for me to
admit myself to live
as a human,
With hate and anger
and joy and pleasure
and frustrations and contemplations.

Why is it so hard for me to
allow myself to be
to allow scintillation of what there is now.

Why is it so hard for me to
let
let it
let it be enough.

Why is it so hard for me to
be okay with these thoughts and these wonders
these curiosities.

Why is it so hard for me to
be okay with this life and this world.

Why is it so hard for me to
let me relax and rest
let me relax and rest
let me relax and rest

Why is it so hard for me to
let it out
to let it go
to let it.

Why is it so hard for me to
be at peace with my
wants and desires
and joys and pleasures
anger and hate
and despair and failure.

Why is it so hard for me to
be seen
as weak, so meek.

Why does it seem
there is so many things suppose to happen
suppose to do, suppose to be and see
before it can be
okay

Too

To much too little, too high too low, too near too far
Too narrow too wide
Too flat too bumpy
Too kind too mean
Too funny too serene, too fat too thin
Too soft too sharp, too thoughtful too carefree
Too forward too backward
Too caring too sharp
Too sleepy too awake, too shaky too still
Too exciting too tranquil.
IS this the living. I guess so

I am ….. OVer here

Oh yes I know body
You want me to freak out
You send along so much frustration
and disapointment
YOu want me to make it all special and amazing
right now
Can’t do it
I am a wimpy normal dude
That is it
So
Yup just have to wait for this restless feelings to pass
Trying to rationalize
is going no where
Like making a tree grow faster by
telling it to grow faster
Doesn’t work like that.
Have to weather the weather of this season
YUp
I don’t like
In fact I rather hate it
Ahhhh frustration
Let us be filled with this feeling
LEt’s gorge in it
Let’s jump in it like a puddle of muddy water
That was always fun as a kid right

Right

Just wanna just wanna be okay be okay with this self
Though not actually I see
I actually don’t want what is here
That is the fork
I don’t actually want to just be with it because I don’t want it
Yet this is what is there
So instead shall I be okay wanting something
else
While here is what is growing in the plant pots of my soil
I suppose I could do that.

Yup I have so many desires and dreams and fantasies
How nice they are
Okay, okay.
I know they are not real, I will not let them up because of that
So what if they are not real
I shall aspire to make them real
Though I would like to not

Burn myself

Over it.

Be accepting of my hate and despair
Yes I know, redbear, you pine so.

Poop.

Long have I hated my desires and my pleasure
and my whims and will
Denied what has always been there
I am done with that
Please crazy cow, take this golden crown
Take this golden scale
Take this
golden paintbrush and canvas
And this golden scrub brush

Take this golden
boy
and let him
be
a boy.
Let him be accepting of the nature of pleasures
let him alone
Enough with the breathing down the neck.=

Enough with the dizzying rules

Yes I have so many things I want to be.
Okay.
Accepting the difference between ideas and reality
IS so difficult
It is okay to have wants and needs and desires okay
Okay okay
okay okay okay okay okay
okay
LEt us jump in the puddle of life
Or walk in it or sit in it or be p leasured by it
What is so devious about pleasures.
Enough with the snoby snobby snob.

Yup I am not superman
I am
Over here.

Here and There

A thousand Gods
here and there and
there and here.
Where are mine and
where are yours

Riding chariots in the stars or
Breathing curls in the wind
Spirits in the stones and
Dryads singing melodies of maple
Gnomes in my shoe and
Pixies in the cupboards

Where are yours and
where are mine

Here is mine, it is a cow, a crazy cow
It lives on crazy
Crazy mind
Crazy body
Crazy heart
Delighting in such digestions
Four stomachs, asking no questions
Making no demands
Let go the crazy for
it is treasure for another
So much can not be held
in this simple human puzzle
Let go

As the trees take our exhales
giving our inhales
As the leafs fall as gold
to the creatures of the soil

Crazy cow takes tensions and
makes new golden dimensions
Giving light to deep
where it is tight
Desiring only to facilitate flow
the fluries of snow become
apple blossoms in spring.

Crazy cow leaves the
puzzle of good and bad to
the stories of man, and
Where is yours and
where is mine.