What is Freedom No. 2

What is freedom
Where is it
Is it feeling latitude
To say doggy penis and vaginas
To say horse shit and sex
Then is there freedom
Or is it in choosing not to say
Every
Little thought arising from the monkey
Or should it be more subtle
Like Shakespeare’s treasures
Is it in knowing now I am part of the
Poet club
Is it doing what is wanted
And not wanted
When those thoughts
Are mostly habits
Created from choice long ago
Freedom to change or
Freedom to be okay to stay
Freedom in revelation or in hidden
Secret.
To feel comfort in doing what is not
To be done or thinking those uncouth
Thoughts.
In living simple and unaware
Letting go of Grandma’s carvings
Letting crumbs collect on
The kitchen counter when
No crumbs are wanted
Throwing away a brothers’
Certificate of excellence
In letting all the thoughts flow and flow
Or freedom to put an end to them all.
And when all the badges of freedoms
Have been collected like badges on
Boy scout vests
Is it then off
To boy scout heaven.
Here is a smart monkey thinking
With his thinky thinker
No
He can
Not
Fill the lacking with freedom badges
Or monies
Or experiences
Or intelligent intellectual thoughts

Oh God
Don’t let there be upset
It may be an affront against
This very being

So concerned to be not selfish
That I have been selfish thinking
I can give away all of me
I can help everyone
I can not

It seems to much of
Anything is a sickness.
Even goodness and niceness and
Pleasantness.

So many thoughts
So many many many many many many many many many many many many
A whirling twirling ride.
Dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy dizzy.
And on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Yes it seems this excitement
Thinks these new things will finally
Save me
Finally be enough to show
To make up.
Finally finish what isn’t liked
And fly away from miserable soil.

Addiction to doing and doing right
Addiction to pleasing
Addiction to understanding

There is a big giant light way down there
And a thick dark ring just around it
I got it that it is selfish to let the light shine.

Here is a bad boy
Here is a selfish boy
Must please
And do and do

At the end of the line trying to prove
I am not bad
Or not selfish.
Release me from this burden
It is as heavy as the moon.

Just wanna be saved
Be saved
From myself
I want and want
Much wanting and not wanting
So dizzy with an ocean of thoughts
Feel so responsible for them all
So responsible for myself
So needing to do right.
Be right
Be good
Let me be bad.

Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no.

Indecision means less chance for ache.
Never going far in any direction
Always safing the play.

Stuck trying not to be stuck
Is an annoying place to be stuck.

Seems life is rather inconvenient
Sans, perhaps, poetry and piano.

And sometimes a few people, the birds, Ginger snaps, and the Jade plant.

And maybe hot showers, dandelions, warm beds, and restful nights.

A bunch of hurting people
Hurting each other.

There is in me a great light
That can not be touched
Only gazed upon.
When did it become so locked up?

This being is not all powerful
Release the belief that it must be
Everything and do everything
And that is totally normal.

Nowhere to get to
Nothing to be

Always been so keen to become
Something I am not, can not.
And now here I am—
How inconvenient.
Things really take time
In this life.

Writing writing writing
To get away from these inconvenient
Thoughts.
They are always saying
Lacking, selfish, bad.
I want to sell them like a fish
Sack these employees
And be glad be glad.

Thank you aching body
For reminding me I am not Superman
That I can not be everything
And do everything.
That there is only misery
In believing that I must be what
I am not.
That I am a simple man
Who thinks he will arrive when
There is no arrival.
That it is okay, commendable even, to be satisfied in what I am and what I am not. That I can indeed love myself.
For releasing me from this brick of Responsibility that me and society has
Forced upon me.
Perhaps I will always need these aches
To remind me to keep me from
Dissatisfaction.
Still, I flip tables and chairs
At this malefic sickness,
Yet.
One day I perhaps I will see
And perhaps one day I will not.

How it upsets this body
To be told that it is not God.

Onions Ohio University job by in booboo Innova Ohio in oh in not I have up on CV by go in he feels yuvba up it only one boop boop boop boop boo boo boo u be ok of PC pig pic please pin pen on pick

Been polished to a shine
By every wound and failure.
Burnished to a sparkle
By all the aching and fuming.

I know you feel failure
I know you feel badness
I know you feel selfish.
Those thoughts are there always
And is what makes it known that
They are habits.

I just can’t let myself free to be
Always a voice saying no
You are not allowed
You have not done enough
You will be punished
There will be suffering
You are selfish.
What do I do with this voice of punishment

This is a choice; this is what is down
Deeper than the ring of ache
To be okay with the fucked up folds of creation.
And if anything more,
To write poetry, play piano in green and red, be with people in yellow and blue.
Maybe even satisfied.

5 thoughts on “What is Freedom No. 2”

  1. Brought back images of Jim Morrison masturbating on stage…

    Freedom lies in the status quo allowing real meaning to the word “may.” It is to be or do as you may, within contraints inherited upto the moment, without encroaching upon the freedoms of others around you.

    Like

    1. Well that puts things in perspective. I like your mention of others. I sometimes get caught up in needing to be free as if it is something that you collect like money. That once you have a certain amount you get a prize. Or that you can save up your ideas like material things.

      Liked by 1 person

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