So Easily

Yeah, yea

we get so scared
                 so so scared.
It's okay. It is really okay. 
We're not going to hurt. Not going to harm you
It is okay.
Yeah, yea we get so scared so easily. So afraid. 
So easily. Let it out. 
It is okay. 
         We really don't have to be unafraid
There is no courage without fear.


Here and There

Here and there and there and there and there and

here and


and                                      here and here and here                        here

and there there there there and here

and there there and here here

and there there and here here

and and and and and                              there there and here here

and                                       and here and there and there and here

and                      and

there                                                     there

there           here

there                                           there

Boy Listens

Here is a boy

Here is a story that says, listen

So he listens

The story says, be kind, thoughtful, considerate, caring, honest, patient, tolerant, blah blah blah

So he does his best

The story says, have integrity

Story says, be a philospher kind

Story says, be a Renaissance Man

So he does

Then he meets dilemma and dillemms says, here are some problems

He says, oh no.

The story says, be selfless and forgiving

So boy says, oh it is probably my fault and i just need to try harder.

So he does

He tries harder again

he tries harder again

Harder kicks his ass

He thinks it is his fault

He tries again

Harder kicks his ass

He thinks he is bad

He tries again

He thinks he is not okay

Not allowed

Story says, be persistent.

So he does again again agin.

Now here is a man who is a bitter miserable perfectionist

Now here is a man who thinks everything is his fault

That he wasn’t thoughtful

he wasn’t considerate

he wasn’t enough always

that he had to do everything the story said

to be okay

now all he wants to do is be sloppy and careless

just want to let it go

let go of all this special and amazing

let go of this grand vision of kumbaya

and he can’t

fucking shit.

Rejected, No fucking shit

Somehow it is only now
that I realize being raised on the fringe
of society
basically sets you up for
Especially if you are also raised to be meek and accepting and forgiving and considerate and all that moralistic idealism. How many families think it is fun to go on a bushwhacking trip up a mountain? Not many. How many families have a giant veggie garden in my highschool, zero. How many families in my highschool go on week long backpacking trips, zero. How many families consider it a sense of obligation to eat an apple all the way to the core, maybe even the seeds, out of respect for waste not want not..

Anyway, here is a boy raised with much different values and then is surpirsed to find that thses values are dismissed?!! Of course they are!!! Somehow I went and thought it was just my fault that things didn’t work with a lot of people.


I fucking hate this..