Fierceness is something
I think
I need
to express
and haven’t let mysefl express
because it is so alternate to the other part
of me that wants to live in warmth
and beauty and connection
and I am afraid that fierceness will break
and tear me away from these other things I want
and so I suppress
but then feel, when? And I feel sometimes
sick in the warmth and cheer
and i want something stark
and straight and true
and fiercely raw and present
and I don’t know how how to express these two things
to have these two parts
together so one does not overcome forever the other
I afraid that I will become
something I don’t want to become
but I feel dead to not have a bit of both
so how do I express
a bit of both?

Somewhere where I feel safe to be fierce, that it will not overwell
not overcome
or maybe I shouldn’t worry so much?
I don’t know.

shouldn’t worry so much much much I
where do I release each part of these things
so I feel like
something balanced and complete.

Something something
balanced and
and complete.

where and when can I say




I am in your face. I think perhaps it is a power thing
I like
Where can I be where I feel a bit like
I am affecting things
would like to be able to affect things
where there is an explosion
of utter expression of self
hey hello
and utter being
and utter and total hello to the world

maybe I could chop some wood?

Will It?

When will will
I ever be done
when will it
will it ever be done
is anything ever any good at all

is it
is it is itiis
always tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow
William, tell me,
Will I ever see at the end that it was any use
at all
will I ever be any good at
these things
will I just forget it all
and be miserable
and all that
It always seems to be too much or too little
always either away or back again
and then never it seems will
it ever come again
some great calamity forces
forces it all out again
and my
I am so so so tired
of restraint
I hate this retraint
discerning what I should do
and intensely
trying to decide what it best
I hate it so much
I am so tired of this
discerning. It is so tiring
I am so tired
and still afraid to let go of the mind that
thinks thinks thinks and is stressed in the thinking
Like the thinking will make it all better and safe
and warm again
and it is for a moment,
until the mind goes on and on and on about other things
that need to be done
more thoughts that need to be shared
deeper deepness that needs revealing
more soul that needs showing
raw and exposed
sex sex se xsexses sx se of course
Will it ever be able to
will I ever be able to sail along
to cruise
go on cruise
go cruising in the life
and not be so afraid of tomorrow and
That I will forget reflection in its entireity
until something reminds that it
would probably be okay
to refelct a little
instead of constantly obsessing over
the state of my case with myself
the state of my ability to interact with
the world
the state of my being that is changing only
in time
but is analyzed and criticized by the moment
to let it flow
how how to let it flow with things
and still feel that improbement can be made
but perhaps without hte
obessesioin of making a profession
of improbement of self
of attainging the idea of an identity
that is so many things
all at once.
So to let it flow flow
flow out
you know I just am so tired
would like to let go
but then let go just enough
that warmth still flows
warmth still grows
without letting it all
go away and away
away away
and where and when do we know
anything at all.
And blah
so afraid of what I might become and
become so unrestrained that
I strain for restraint
that becomes a chain
till it breaks to let something flow
so so
much thinking about what aught to be done and
and then not much is done be stressing
what could or could not be done
how it should be done
good grief.
so tired of the fussing fussing
fussing fussing fussing about hings and myself
and the life
that is being lived
that doesn’t live
because there is a helicopter
fussing all the way around
and when does it ever come out?
So tired so tired
so so tired
of trying to make it something.
Something What?
what is this something
being made in a try
till I want to throw it out
make it fly.