Ah ah ah, Oh

What is
the state of mind right now
Some combination of tired and general annoyance that
I am tired
I would like to be not tired
I know, I know, I know
…………………………I know you
you you you
don’t want be like this, don’t like to be like this
want to be other things.
I know, it’s okay. yup. Those things are a beautiful
beaitiful aspiration. Yup we’re tired. Okay. all the time.
And you know, you really don’t have to be not tired or not annoyed
or not frustrated.
……………………you you don’t have to
I know you do. and that okay.
That is awesome.
I don’t like this. I know you don’t like it and want to be other things
I see it
I see it it it it right down there in the bottom of
it all.
Down there with that shivering child, that hungry child
I know I know. that is okay.
IT is okay to want things
It is great it is lovely it is awesome.
All it is means is you want things.
I don’t like this.
……..I know you you you you, Sky. I see you you and it is okay.
It means you don’t like things. It doesn’t have to mean anything more.
okay. lots of people don’t like things.
The world is not all the same.
Ahhhh ohhhhh, ahhh oh oh ohm, ohhhhhh, mmmmmmmm, huuuuuuu
ahhhh, ohhhhhh, oh oh ohaaa
Yeah, I see that coming out. What a motion coming out of Sky
Sky sky sky, I know. Ahhhhmmmm I know.
AHhhhh ohhhh, yea let it it it it out.

Let it out and let it in, Jude.

Dilemma

Hey hey hello
what is this 
  what is this story this mind continues to throw up
what is this 
what needs to be resolved 
and why is it so upsetting to this body.

Here is the fantasay: of sticking it to the man
of saying, "and same to you, with knobs, you bugger"
of fighting whomever might think to put me down.
of saying, "why must you hate on your students", 
"do you think being mad at us will make us work harder, want to be better
do you really think that, 
that your disapproval will well up a great motivation for
musical betterment?"
What? really? Yes yes this mind says that I didn't stick up for
myself and that is a failure. That I must stand up for myself
that I must must
that we all must stand up and fight when put down.
That
           that is the stronger way
that we must all be strong

I am so tired of needing to be strong.

Or is it it strength to be the one
who gets up again, 
or is it the one
                      who makes the swing?
Is it the one who turns the cheek
and say, "hit me on this side, you fool".

This all
                  all so pisses me off.
This macho fantasy is so alluring and so redolent of bore.

Hey hey hey Sky, I know you want to, sky. I know you want to stand up for
yourself. That you feel you must, sky. That it is some kind of 

                              requirement for inner peace.
You know, you know
                         you really don't have to.

Makes me cringe to say, but I believe you really don't have


don't have to be strong. We really don't have


don't have to stand up for ourselves. It is okay okay okay.

It is no requirement.

You really don't have to. Please please please, sky. 

Yea, we feel we must be strong, and and and

hey sky, hey hey hey now. YOu know it is okay to feel like that..

And
                     you really don't have to. 

It is okay to feel wanting to punch those assholes in the face.. 

To pick a fight and leave with a bloody nose, 


and



               to say
                              to my beautiful women, "I am a fighter".


This dilemma of machismo has so long been a struggle

such a struggle. Yeah it is okay to struggle, Sky.

It is really okay

okay okay okay. Okay to dream , okay to want to fight. I want to fight. 

I want to fight. I want to . I want to be kind, I want to fight. 

I want to say, "fuck you, you fucking fucker".

It really pisses me off to be looked down upon, yeah, yeah that is okay. 

We really don't like to be not respected. 

Hey, sky, sky ,sky it is okay. You know you know. Yeah. Yeah. 

I want to be respected. I want to be liked, yeah, sky, we do. It is okay. 

You don't have. We really don't have to. 

Hey sky, I know we don't like to be a wimp, and that's okay.

we don't have to be strong. We really dont have dtoo. Don't don't don't don't don't


have to be strong. 

don't have to be so awesome and amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing. I want to be amazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing for the ladies. 


                  for the ladies. I want to be kind. 
 

Hey now, hey, hey, hey now

Hey Sky, I know, I know you feel
you feel so much, but,
you really don’t have and
I know, I know you feel you have to
get along with everybody and everything, but
you
……….you really don’t have to
………………………………………………get along
even with yourself, you don’t have to. It is okay
Even, you don’t have to get along with you family
It’s okay man, it’s okay.
Crazy cow says life is a movement, there’s
Nothing that needs to be done
Nowhere you need to go.
Here to there and there and there to here
and
here and here and here to there and here now there
and over over over under there and all around
and here and there
there
I know, I know, I really see you that you feel
you have to be strong and wise all the time, and
it’s okay
……………….you really
…………………………………. don’t have to
be strong and wise
all the time
or at all.
I know sky, I see sky, I really see you try, and it’s okay.
And I see that you want to be

Without doubt,

and That’s okay, and

…… you really
……………………..don’t have to.

You can it’s okay. YOu can do these things, it is okay too,
and
………………………………………..just know you don’t have to.
You don’t even need to feel loved or love others or yourself
You don’t have too
I know sky, you think you should never upset anything, and
that’s okay, that’s awesome, and

,….. you really don’t have to not upset anything.
I know you want to make
everything special and amazing all the time, and
that’s a wonderful thing.

… you
…………… really don’t have to.

I know, I
………….know, I see, hey now, Sky
I see you want to not feel aching and that is okay
It is okay to not like the aching,
You don’t have to be a superman or saint
You really don’t have to feel
that you must never feel aching to be okay.
Okay.
okay.
Aching is aching and it is okay to dislike the sharp eggshells that litter
the insides.
You don’t have to feel that you are a super Buddha and accepting of all.
Don’t even
have to be happy.
It’s okay

And I see, I really see, down to the bones that you
want
to feel that you understand and feel safe, and
well,
you know
……………..it’s really okay to not.
……………………………………………It is okay.
There are no demands.
That is what it is to believe in crazy cow.
To believe in the chocolate crazy cow
To believe that there’s is
a moving
……………breeze
……….b
……………r
………………..e
…………….e
………..z
………………..e
Like rivulets down the arm.
Like cottonwood seeds floating in the blue
Like dandelions open and close, and the buttercups, and Rhodos
Like your breathe in and out

I know you really want to be okay with everything
be serene and undisturbed, finding it all very interesting
and explore the motion of the world, and to let your feeling always be
as
they are
and
you know ,

…………..you don’t even have to
….do that.

do what
do
………..that

To do that is to not be okay to freak out.
But you don’t have to be okay with freaking out.
But
Let’s freak out.
There is a movement and motion
Let us be like Zappa.

For Me

Why is it so hard for me to
admit myself to live
as a human,
With hate and anger
and joy and pleasure
and frustrations and contemplations.

Why is it so hard for me to
allow myself to be
to allow scintillation of what there is now.

Why is it so hard for me to
let
let it
let it be enough.

Why is it so hard for me to
be okay with these thoughts and these wonders
these curiosities.

Why is it so hard for me to
be okay with this life and this world.

Why is it so hard for me to
let me relax and rest
let me relax and rest
let me relax and rest

Why is it so hard for me to
let it out
to let it go
to let it.

Why is it so hard for me to
be at peace with my
wants and desires
and joys and pleasures
anger and hate
and despair and failure.

Why is it so hard for me to
be seen
as weak, so meek.

Why does it seem
there is so many things suppose to happen
suppose to do, suppose to be and see
before it can be
okay

Too

To much too little, too high too low, too near too far
Too narrow too wide
Too flat too bumpy
Too kind too mean
Too funny too serene, too fat too thin
Too soft too sharp, too thoughtful too carefree
Too forward too backward
Too caring too sharp
Too sleepy too awake, too shaky too still
Too exciting too tranquil.
IS this the living. I guess so

I am ….. OVer here

Oh yes I know body
You want me to freak out
You send along so much frustration
and disapointment
YOu want me to make it all special and amazing
right now
Can’t do it
I am a wimpy normal dude
That is it
So
Yup just have to wait for this restless feelings to pass
Trying to rationalize
is going no where
Like making a tree grow faster by
telling it to grow faster
Doesn’t work like that.
Have to weather the weather of this season
YUp
I don’t like
In fact I rather hate it
Ahhhh frustration
Let us be filled with this feeling
LEt’s gorge in it
Let’s jump in it like a puddle of muddy water
That was always fun as a kid right

Right

Just wanna just wanna be okay be okay with this self
Though not actually I see
I actually don’t want what is here
That is the fork
I don’t actually want to just be with it because I don’t want it
Yet this is what is there
So instead shall I be okay wanting something
else
While here is what is growing in the plant pots of my soil
I suppose I could do that.

Yup I have so many desires and dreams and fantasies
How nice they are
Okay, okay.
I know they are not real, I will not let them up because of that
So what if they are not real
I shall aspire to make them real
Though I would like to not

Burn myself

Over it.

Be accepting of my hate and despair
Yes I know, redbear, you pine so.

Poop.

Long have I hated my desires and my pleasure
and my whims and will
Denied what has always been there
I am done with that
Please crazy cow, take this golden crown
Take this golden scale
Take this
golden paintbrush and canvas
And this golden scrub brush

Take this golden
boy
and let him
be
a boy.
Let him be accepting of the nature of pleasures
let him alone
Enough with the breathing down the neck.=

Enough with the dizzying rules

Yes I have so many things I want to be.
Okay.
Accepting the difference between ideas and reality
IS so difficult
It is okay to have wants and needs and desires okay
Okay okay
okay okay okay okay okay
okay
LEt us jump in the puddle of life
Or walk in it or sit in it or be p leasured by it
What is so devious about pleasures.
Enough with the snoby snobby snob.

Yup I am not superman
I am
Over here.